‘Your sons are killing me’ 3 years/11 months
Wow, what a month this has been. What a year this has been. A year ago today, Adam, you really weren’t talking yet, just the occasional attempt at a word here and there. It was Christmas last year that shocked language into you, the electrifying realization that “SANKACAME!SANKACAME!SANKACAME!” And then would come a frenzied listing off of the presents Santa had brought, and a breathless discussion of the strangeness of having a tree in the house, which would bring you back to the presents under the tree, and this would remind you that “SANKACAME!SANKACAME!SANKACAME!” And this went on for several months, and by the time you recovered from the excitement, you found that you had learned to talk.
And you haven’t shut up since, in any language. That was a year ago.
You speak three languages beautifully, and are now becoming keenly interested in the differences. “Papa, please give me some BREAD,” you’ll say. “Papa say ‘bread’. Mama say ‘chlebek’. Auntie Rada say ‘kruh’. Papa AND ADAM say ‘BREAD’”.
Yeah, there’s still a little work to do on inflection.
You’ve learned the days of the week. “Ta-day is Fiday,” you exclaim. “On Fiday Papa come home and we eat PIZZA.” Now you are beginning to use language for abstractions, and show interest in time. “Papa will sit down on my bed for a minute,” you script each evening as I put you to bed. “How long is a minute?” You seem to think ‘later’ is strictly limited to mean ‘not today’, and sometimes you produce odd tautologies. “Ta-day is yesterday,” you will tell me. “Tomorrow is ta-DAY.”
Other conversations recently have been less cryptic but still surreal:
[Church bells ring in distance]
Me: Adam, Grandma Susan says that every time you hear a bell ring, she’s thinking of you.
Adam: Gamma Soozin livin’ at da AIRPORT now.[Pondering some A/V entertainment]
Adam: Want to watch Bjork.
Me: Which one, honey?
Adam: Dancing one.
Me: “Big Time Sensuality”?
Adam: DANCING one.
Me: Aha, “It’s Oh So Quiet”.
Adam: Mama one.
[Bjork performs her magic]
Adam: Dat like Mama![In bed, 5:47 am]
Me: Zzzzzzz….
Adam: When Adam get bigger, Adam cook a lovely supper FOR YOU. Adam WILL drive Opel.
Me: Shhhhh, honey, your brother’s asleep.
Adam: I made a sandwich for you. In da FIDGE, HONEY.
Me: SHHHH!
Adam: Oh! Alek awake!
And once Alek awake, ain’t nobody sleeping no more. Your Tasmanian Devil tendencies, Ike, only intensify as you grow, and now your main obsession is with the biting. Before it’s even light out you’re thrashing around in the bed trying to find purchase for those flinty little teeth. Let the pre-dawn torture session commence! We pass you exhaustedly back and forth like a malevolent, sharp medicine ball until we can’t take it anymore. Later, after we’ve fled the bed, you’re crawling about on the living room floor, our sock-clad feet in grave danger as we obliviously seek solace in coffee. We’re sitting there sipping with our feet in a SHARK TANK. During Shark Week. With sharks.
Memo to myself: if a baby bites you grievously, biting it back is unlikely to produce a meaningful lesson. Just an ENORMOUS SOUND. Oh, and a mark that could involve some difficult explaining.
Other than the biting, the constant biting, the non-stop horrible little razor-sharp teeth of the biting, there is some big news on the Alek front:
Yeah, wonderful, Trebek. You weren’t getting into enough trouble as it was with the speed-crawling, you’ve got to go bipedal on us? I do suppose that this will see a downturn in the moon-shaped bite wounds on our feet, but I am not sure the alternative is actually all that reassuring. And this will only extend the reach of your hammering. The hammering is already quite enough on our lower parts, on the floor, the radiators, the windows. The hammering on our skulls with the sippy-cups. And the furniture-moving. What are you, Bam-Bam? And while we’re on your endearing obsessions of the month, stop playing in the bidet, for crying our loud. And the paper-eating. You are not a wasp. Stop chewing up all the paper and leaving your horrible damp wasp nests around the place.
These behaviors are roughly mitigated by the Zoidberg factor.
Both boys got haircuts, long-overdue, this month. Some boys did not like it so much:
For others it was nothing out of the ordinary:
A couple of other things, Adam: what is with this sudden obsession with ‘scary’ things? How is the Hausbrandt coffee mascot ‘scary’? Okay, fine, so it’s an oblique reference to self-cannibalism, but is that so scary?
I meant to make a collage of the many and various objects you’ve suddenly and spontaneously identified as ‘fary’ in the last month, but was too lazy. So there is no picture here of the Hausbrandt cannister, or the print of the giraffe in the hall, or your brother’s soft alphabet block, or any of the dozens of apparently completely random things you are loath to walk past. Where do you get this stuff?
Meanwhile, you’re taking a glow-in-the-dark dragon to bed.
But most of the time, you are too taken up with the tasks of growing and learning and loving your brother (and keeping him from destroying your precious Thomas the Tank Engine track layouts) to remember to be unnecessarily ‘fared’ of innocuous objects. It gives us great joy to watch you two play, fight, and grow together. Just quit it with the biting.
You guys seem genuinely fond of each other, and that pleases us deeply. Though one is certainly bossier than the other.
Ike, just because he’s a little bigger, don’t let Adam push you around.
Okay, maybe occasionally.
So just how many hats does Adam have? It seems like there’s a new one in each photo.
Comment by Erik R. — Friday 14 December 07 @ 14.37 MST+2.00
I’ll try to get a rough count for you.
Comment by sgazzetti — Friday 14 December 07 @ 14.54 MST+2.00
Ooooo – you almost make babies sound like fun! Except for the biting.
Comment by TheQueen — Friday 14 December 07 @ 15.16 MST+2.00
I have to wonder what it says about me that I start stalking your site around the 12th of each month for these newsletters?
(Okay, I stalk it at that time more than the usual stalking I already do. Get off my back.)
Comment by Jane — Friday 14 December 07 @ 16.00 MST+2.00
fantastyczni sa:)
Comment by Kasia — Friday 14 December 07 @ 16.21 MST+2.00
Great post. I think we all need to see Magda’s Bjork dance. Photos will suffice if you can’t get any video.
Comment by simon — Friday 14 December 07 @ 16.38 MST+2.00
Aw, I love these posts.
Ike sounds awfully like my cat, who was given the nickname Fangor the Death Kitten. At least Ike will grow out of it. Well, hopefully, anyway.
Comment by andrea — Friday 14 December 07 @ 17.43 MST+2.00
Jeez, you scared me for a minute! That first picture of Ike wearing the stripey pants that I KNOW Adam was wearing less than one year ago! But I see now there are two pairs of the stripey pants. Same, same!
Comment by gaoo — Friday 14 December 07 @ 19.42 MST+2.00
Magda is most keen, gaoo, that I let you know that while there are two matching pairs of the stripey fleecies, the ones Alek is wearing now are the same ones Adam was wearing when you were here. The bigger ones are quite new. Alek is now close to the size Adam was at twice his age. So ’scared’ is the correct word.
Erik: 42.
Comment by sgazzetti — Friday 14 December 07 @ 20.26 MST+2.00
42 . . Is that the answer to how many hats Adam has? Or is that life, the universe, and everything?
Comment by Paul — Monday 17 December 07 @ 21.12 MST+2.00
Oh, Adam, my sweet: clearly it’s time your Auntie E made a return trip to the land of the Slovenes. I have a few things to teach you about self-referential coffee pots, among other topics.
Plus, I miss you all like gadzooks.
Comment by Emily — Thursday 20 December 07 @ 02.30 MST+2.00
Dear Sir,
Sometimes when I visit your blog, especially when there are pictures posted, I take it as a “clothing optional” blog. Is this true or is it simply parental exhaustion or wash machine issues?
Just wonderin’
Fully clothed (but not liking it), Darko V
Comment by DarkoV — Thursday 20 December 07 @ 19.35 MST+2.00
Your sons are tickling me. We Americans are fascinated by the stripey fleecy pants. The boys are adorable.
Comment by Mother Sarcastro — Saturday 22 December 07 @ 16.37 MST+2.00