Fri!Day!Links!
Today is Friday, and I am even more excited about this fact than usual. This has been a long and fairly hectic week by a variety of metrics and I am happy to see the back of it, to the extent that if this week were a person (and since it’s my blog site I can construct whatever ill-conceived metaphors strike my fancy) I would say to it, “Week, don’t let the door hit you in the ass on the way out”, and in order for this metaphor and imagined bon mot to work, you have to recall that people have asses vulnerable to door-strikings even if weeks most certainly do not.
One thing I love about Friday is the amount of important reading I can usually squeeze into it. This week is an exception, as my usual Friday post-lunch reading time is being impinged upon by a long and pointless meeting, but here are some gems from weeks past that may be worth your link-clicking if you’re not so unlucky as to have a Friday bloody meeting:
- “Groovy” is a dealbreaker. Whenever I meet someone, there is a holding period between when I hate them for no reason, and when I hate them for a reason. “Groovy” will immediately put you into that “for a reason” category. Always. We could be married. You and I could have the happiest little life fulfilling all of our dreams together, hand in hand, and if you used the word groovy I would divorce the shit out of you. I would take everything. I would turn the children against you. And you would die alone.
- Bobby B. Butterworth’s Old Fashioned Dairy Funshack –
A frozen quarterpound stick of salted creamery butter is hand-battered, “flash fried,” and served with your choice of fun “Dippin’” sauces. - If you die in Canada, you die in real life!
- Emily Dickinson passed away May 15, 1886, from nephritis, also known as Bright’s disease. It would therefore be impossible for her to die a horrible fiery death after being torn apart by elephants and stomped on by a million billion angry horses.
- I just read a Christopher Hitchens quote where he said that the four most overrated things are champagne, lobster, anal sex, and picnics. Although I am not a huge fan of the Hitch, I liked that sentiment very much. I would like to organize a picnic where everyone eats lobster and drinks champagne and butt-fucks the other guests and yawns mightily with the utter dreariness of it all. More champagne, my dear? More backdoor action? Oh dahling I couldn’t possibly. This whole scene is so last year.
- Sophia: And there’s her girlfriend.
Neil: It is not her girlfriend! That’s Marcie. I don’t remember much about her.
Marcie calls Peppermint Patty “Sir.”
Sophia: You see! She is a man!
Neil: She’s not. Marcie just calls her “Sir.”
Sophia: This is one freaky show!
- …the crystallizing moment of Bushworld: tautological as a Gilbert and Sullivan libretto, absurd as a Marx Brothers movie, and scary as a Kafka novel. [via GinBaby]
- Beneath this hostile museum curator’s exterior lies a hostile museum curator’s interior. F, 38. Box no. 13/07
- DUDE
Well, I suppose it would require us to adhere to a pretty strict, uh, sex regimen, you know, to keep my testicles limber?MAUDE
Au Contraire, Jeffrey, I would ask that you abstain from any onanistic behaviors over the next several months. You must refrain from any ’servicing of yourself,’ or ‘jerking off’ to use the parlance of our times. I need you to avoid ‘any hand-to-gland combat,’ and ask you to stop ‘tickling your trout,’ as it were. - If you behaved like that in England, there would be a kind of frozen disgust, as people began inching towards the door. Whereas in Australia they’d let out a great roar at him –He’s a loony! Let’s get him!- and pelt the poor man with fruit.
- it’s at bath-time that we’ve initiated our half-assed slacker yuppiefuck toilet training ritual. we get her naked and plop her on her pot. then nothing happens. then we put her in the tub, in which she stands up and pees willy-nilly.
Disclosure: I am a sucker for the phrase WILLY-NILLY.
This one had me crying with laughter: http://www.xkcd.com/c175.html
Comment by simon — Friday 8 December 06 @ 16.34 MST+2.00
Dammit – there’s so much good stuff to read here that I ended up leaving work late today, and that NEVER happens.
Comment by simon — Friday 8 December 06 @ 16.50 MST+2.00