Which sledz

Signs that you married a Polish girl: #77 is your phone’s auto-complete dictionary knows that s + l + e means you must be typing ‘herring’ in your bride’s native tongue.

Saturday morning I left the house and drove west across the isogloss (rather than east, as had also been a possibility). My mission: infiltrate the Padova IKEA and purchase a boy-bed to replace the crib. I was to do this without killing anyone, if humanly possible. (ONLY JUST.)

A Saturday trip to IKEA is apt to bring out the misanthrope in me. Magda and I frequently remark to each other on the topic of how much we hate people, and the more people we are exposed to the more likely we are to be filled with loathing and offensive superciliousness. Although we are equal-opportunity people-haters, we reserve a special disdain for what we call aqua-people. These are the people who move as if they are under water, especially when purchasing furniture. The Padova IKEA was hoatching with aqua-people, perhaps exclusively.

My other task was to bring home as much Swedish herring as the car would hold, at the behest of my pregnant wife.

The overly-red drink is in honor of my misanthropic friend in Alaska.

Other Signs that you married a Polish girl include suitcase contents saturated with pickle juice (#23) and son’s first word is cześć (#11).