I am pretty sure I said do NOT click on that link.

If you really are dead set on defiling your ears by hearing the Crazy Frog ringtone, you have two options: you can travel back in time 18 months to when it was popular and ubiquitous; or you can come sit in my office for no more than six minutes and fifty-nine seconds.

Of these options, I strongly recommend neither.

The beer glass problem is easily circumvented. Just drink out of the bottle.

The manicure is always provided courtesy of Victorinox/Swiss Army Knife, with whom I have no agreement regarding promotional considerations and from whom I do not expect any compensation for this mention.

It’s never too early for hand-eye co-ordination exercises and, what with your use of practical daily items, you, sir, may be qualified to be a Montessori teacher.

The social construct violation would be having your toddler sitting at the bar.

You’ve given me one little passive-aggressive idea, though, Jane: I’ll start referring to/addressing Colleague X as “Crazy Frog”, as in, “is Crazy Frog in her office?” or “hey, Crazy Frog, have you finished that report yet?” and so on. That will make me whole again.

And jdog, since you DID ask, the crank matches the sprockets, if you know what I’m saying.

Barring that, you could ask to see her phone and marvel over how cool it is while simultaneously resetting the sound volume (”Hey, what happens if I do this? Oh! Well. Would you look at that?”). Or you could, once the phone is in hand, take off running with it.

Sigh. Would that American Ken (eunuch!) dolls in my youth had been so graced.