I am both surprised and vaguely proud to be able to join Jason Kottke in the camp of did not mention the motherfucking snakes on the motherfucking plane. In writing. On this blog. I know I’ve mentioned them elsewhere at least once. Apologies if I’ve besmirched any readers’ comments sections with this four-word pitch, title, synopsis, and symbol of tired viral marketing all in one.
Kottke is distributing this badge of restraint in the face of excess, as well as a slightly sanitized version, on his site freely, here.
This was something that did not have to happen. It only needed to go as far as an early outline that is far funnier than the film could ever hope to be. After that everything was downhill. I will not be rushing out to view this particular oeuvre. Assuming it comes here. Which I fear it will. I’m afraid its best joke, all of whose words are included in the image above, will not translate all that well.
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August 23rd, 2006 at 20.57 CEST+2.00
You go, girl… erm… yea, I mean… you know ;)
August 24th, 2006 at 07.08 CEST+2.00
In a conversation last weekend that somehow swung its way around to SoaP, a friend suggested a sequel, Snakes on a Plane on a Plane, the setup of which would involve filming people *on an actual flight* watching Sam Jackson battle amphibians on-screen. Brilliant, no?
August 24th, 2006 at 10.34 CEST+2.00
That is a very excellent idea indeed, Emily, although the author of the orginal outline had this to say about the (inevitable) sequel:
“You think that’s it, but wait… Final sequence of the movie, a rescue team finds the […] guy’s body, and they take him on their helicopter. Thought dead, there’s movement on his body, and the film ends as his stomach explodes as it was full of snakes! Thus paving the way for SNAKES ON A HELICOPTER.”
August 24th, 2006 at 16.22 CEST+2.00
You do see the paradox here, yes?
Like many tired internet memes, you fail simply by engaging. You have just lost The Game.
August 25th, 2006 at 02.56 CEST+2.00
Sorry you lost The Game. Might as well read Serpentes on a Shippe! then.
August 25th, 2006 at 06.43 CEST+2.00
Nice one. I’m always a sucker for a good poke at Chaucer. For another dialect-oriented take on it, check out Al-Zarqawi’s Mother’s Blog, where she seemed quite excited that “Samuel al-Jackson has invited me to the premiere of The Magic Flying Machine On Which Allah Has Decreed There Will Be Many Asps!”
Or combine the two. Elsa recommends Chaucer on Shaft.
August 25th, 2006 at 16.42 CEST+2.00
Shut your mouth! (I’m just talkin’ ’bout Chaucer.)
August 26th, 2006 at 11.35 CEST+2.00
“SHAFT! Ya damne righte!”
Ha!
August 28th, 2006 at 22.55 CEST+2.00
Samuel L. Jackson is Shaft?
August 28th, 2006 at 22.57 CEST+2.00
oops. How about Snakes on a Bandwagon? Oh, never mind. I feel like Emily Latella.